I’m asked one question about surviving a spouse’s infidelity more than all the others combined: “How do you stop obsessing about HER?”
Here’s my answer.
If after reading it you find yourself in need of a little more heart holding, please join me on this page of the blog: Overcoming Infidelity.
Utter Imperfection 
I needed this today. Just when I think I shake her… something pops to the front of my mind and I can’t get her out of my head
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I’m so sorry you’re still dealing with all that comes after a betrayal. The triggers are no joke and can make you feel like you’re right back inside the trauma. My own triggers used to take me down. But I got so tired of going down that each time one would come up, I’d literally say, “No.” And decide not to get back on the hamster wheel of horrible thoughts. It took a lot of time to get to that point though, be so patient with yourself and the speed at which you’re able to heal.
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I learned a trick for it recently, at CoDA, and it’s working for this, too. When I’m over-concentrating on someone else, I’ve started picturing their face on TV, like they’re a news anchor or something. Then I picture reaching out, and just… turning it off. It’s been surprisingly effective. It’s odd. I don’t think I’m actually angry at her. She was told we were in an open marriage. From the information she had, she wasn’t doing anything wrong. I think about her mostly in terms of being insecure over the fact that she’s literally 20 years younger than I am. And also, thank you for posting this, today. The idea of “allowing her more relevance than she is due” spoke to me.
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