If it’s early days for you on the pitch black, lonely road back from infidelity you’re likely slogging through a soupy fog and can’t see two inches in front of your face. You may be feeling weak, for choosing to stay, or to leave, though there is only fierce strength and courage in either decision. I’m not aware of an easy button available for either choice. But this perspective might shine a light just far enough ahead and just bright enough to make it all the way home by.
To read my full article on learning how to trust again over at Her View From Home, please click here.
Featured Image: by Jilbert Ebrahimi on Unsplash.com
6 thoughts on “When Trust Is Shattered In A Marriage, The Way Back To It May Surprise You”
Another great article. You are at the point I reached a long time ago. It was not infidelity but a problem caused by another member of his family. I spent many months in counciling and it was not easy. This was caused by a person who has never let you down but let me and our kids down because he was not strong enough to say no my family is more important than another beer with the guys. With the help from my Dr. and friend (one and the same) I watched myself change. It was hard and I did not like the change but I learned to accept and work with the changes. I had always been a very shy person (was even marked absent in one of my senior classes because of not speaking up and telling him I was there). Like in your case I came to understand that I had to trust myself. I could not change what had happened but vowed it would not repeat itself. From then on I gained confidence in my self and knew that I could take care of myself. That incident never repeated itself and the man I dearly love and I spent a total of 61 years and 10 months together. Of course there were some problems but we learned that they could become worse if we let them. It might not have been a perfect life but it was one we both enjoyed and had knew that we had each other and could work through almost anything. Love you.
I am single because being in a relationship makes me feel like I am dying a slow painful death, and quite frankly, I don’t trust in forever. I have been you, so it was as though I was thrust back in time while reading this. I did choose to trust again, but if I am honest, I think I was just faking it. I don’t think I ever really got to that place where it was healthy, and I silently carried resentment. And as you can imagine, years later it ultimately fell apart. You put way more work into it than I ever did, but suppose if it was something I felt was worth hanging onto I would have. It makes me happy and hopeful to know that it is possible to heal. I mean, if I ever relinquish my singlehood again, at least I know that couples can work through it. Great post!
Thank you for your comments and thoughts. I’ve been pondering them for quite awhile. I am sorry your heart was broken. I am sorry that when it was finally put back together that situation was no longer right for you. And, and, I hope there has been some good that’s come from it. I absolutely hate that infidelity is part of my story, but the crazy truth is that so much good has come from it. And it’s really hard to admit that. I get that you were faking trust. Trust in another person once they break it is so tricky and elusive. One reason I stayed and tried my hardest is that I thought leaving would be just as hard and possibly even harder. I also knew I might ultimately leave anyway when it was all said and done and I wanted to be able to say I tried, I gave it my all. It didn’t really seem like I had anything to lose that way. I hope you feel that too, the sense that you tried. And as for the nagging resentment, I’m not done with it yet either, but I need to be. I think it’s the lynchpin in being able to move on. I know I can’t carry it around and enjoy my marriage. So it has to be one or the other.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for this thoughtful and heartfelt response, and also for the link to the Oprah magazine. The truth is, so much good came from that relationship and its demise. Afterwards, I took time to discover who I was and for the first time in my life, have a profound sense of self. However, it seems that I just don’t believe that there is anyone out there for me and don’t trust that they would be honest. It is also so important to me that I never again compromise myself for the person I am with, I want them to love me for exactly who I am, and I want to love them for who they are. That’s the whole point, right?Reading that article helped so much and made me realize that I need to start asking for what I want, and not let the experience of one bad relationship destroy my chance at happiness with someone else. Wow, I have a lot of work to do! You are amazing, and so much I admire your approach and perspective. I hope the last bit of resentment loosens its grip, and that you get to a place where you feel at peace and healed…you deserve that! Thanks again, for everything!
Just happened upon this today, thought you might like it. http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/How-to-Find-Love-Do-Magic-Lists-Work?FB=fb_sss_magic_lists_work
Jodie Utter https://utterimperfection.wordpress.com
(Sent via iPhone’s tiny keyboard, likely with a typo or two, my apologies).
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, thank you!!!