I’m asked one question about surviving a spouse’s infidelity more than all the others combined: “How do you stop obsessing about HER?”
It had become obvious our friendship had suffered a significant setback, but I had no idea why. So I asked my friend. She told me nothing was wrong, if anything, it was her, not me. She said she’d just been so busy and under so much stress and she knew she’d been a terrible friend. She insisted she loved me so much and would try hard to show it better and she was so sorry she’d made me feel this way.
In effect, she gave me the runaround. I know it was the runaround because after that conversation things just got worse.
I adore looking back through vacation photos, even as soon as we return home from a trip. I smile and nod in cozy remembrance at each one; yep, we did that, yes, that was so much fun, wow, that was way cool! In an instant, I’m wistful and dreamy and in love with the trip all over again. Of course, this is only after I ruthlessly edit and crop, enhance and polish, or put a mob hit on any offending photo. After all, I want the best versions possible of the memories, not the shabby ones.
So when I saw this photo of myself, my immediate inclination was to delete it and then go about my life pretending I’d never seen it. But then I paused.
I don’t typically give advice, because I don’t really have any. But also and mostly because I don’t think people like to be told what to do. And in most contexts, I think ‘should’ is a dirty word. I don’t mind making a call to action when I see the need for one though, and this, this is that.
I feel us slipping back into our old, poorly prioritized ways. While it’s cause for concern, it does not yet cause worry. We’ve been here before and we’ll likely be here again. Being in this disconnected state isn’t the problem, it’s what we do next that could be.